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So Amber has been working at Morgan's school to pay off his tuition.  They run an afterschool program which he attends, which we thought was part of this deal, so only in cases where job hunting made it necessary, or Amber was at the school working, making far more an hour than afterschool cost Morgan would stay at afterschool to the tune of $11 on normal days or $25 on half days (Weds).  Well this has built up on our bill and we have recently found out that this cannot be paid for by Amber working it off.  So we now owe them 367 + some amount from the last two weeks.  Maybe $22?  We owe it.  We don't have it to spare.  We don't have it at all. 

The school is being generous already, by letting us work off his tuition,  so I don't want to bitch that they told us not to worry about it and then took two months to get us an answer.  Ugh.  We haven't abused it, but have used it like once a week on average.  Which is upwards of 44 a month, plus the 150 from the week before school started. 


That and -- gas costs and other assorted things like car repairs and books are killing us. They aren't really in the budget on what I make, but the kid goes to school 26 miles from the house.  He has to go to school.  We have to take him to school.  Car pooling has been a failure.  Amber usually stays up there were his school is most days to cut the gas in half.  Gas goes on the credit card, because it is not in the budget.  Everything else not in the budget is not purchased or put on the card -- like OMG the car is broken.  Or OMG amber needs a book for classes. 

I'm going to need 2k to move, and another 2k to pay the card off, then 400 for afterschool and $300/400 for Amber's guitar teacher who said "Don't pay me unless you can afford to," except I am sure he was expecting it to get better before now. 

I have $900 in my savings account -- rent for March is $800 and I don't have enough left in checking to cover this months bills, none of which have been paid yet. 

Better yet, I can't file for my state taxes because I don't have the health insurance form required -- but I had state MassHealth health insurance last year, until they cut me off this month because bringing in $1600 for a family of two is too much money for me to get MassHealth (Medicare).  So yesterday I had to shell out $88 for blood sugar meds because my new insurance for poor people only can start on the first of the month and my old one expired on the 29th and so I didn't get the paperwork and notification until it was too late to register for the month. 

This is the last month savings would cover and I though it was just in time, since Amber was gonna start working part time next week, but the guy doesn't need anyone for those hours now and who knows when else she will be able to get hours and how long we are going to have to wait and I am out of money and it is terrifying.  

I am excited to go to the FFF this weekend in providence, which will pay us a little money for busting ass all weekend for like 10 hour days. 

It brings back so many bad flash backs to Ithaca, collectors, evictions, feeling hopeless, helpless and worthless.  It spent a lot of years like that and I don't want to go back.  It is like my biggest fear. 

Amber was supposed to be working next week, at like 30 some odd hours and now that she is not I feel tricked.  It was just on the verge of getting better and we were hoping and counting on that and now everything feels broken. 

I did what I was supposed to.  I did college.  I busted ass.  I took a hard major.  I did what I was supposed to damn it.  I graduated and I saved and I ended with 10k and it is gone.  It feels like everything I worked for is gone.  Why isn't anything working.  What the fuck is wrong with my life.  Why doesn't anything ever come easy for me.  

Sorry for the self pity.  I know it is stupid and I have to have a good outlook, but how long can you live your life "With the Goal in mind"? 

What the fuck is the goal now? 

Not to fall of the edge of the edge of the world?
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Morgan in all seriousness : "Y'know my math homework?  The elves help me with it.  Ever since they gave me those shiny rocks for Christmas I have been able to communicate with them with my mind."

In other news, I have another job interview type thing on Monday.  It is just a meeting with a temp agency, which blows, but whatever. 

In more other news Amber got 24 hours/week with the PCA place, Friday and Saturday night and has lost those hours already, so she is back down to not knowing when she works /if at all.  FML.  

In some other more news The FFF starts tomorrow in Providence and I should really be doing something like getting ready, since we leave tomorrow at 10, and we leave behind McGee with Daddy, who will be leaving for Grandma's before we get back and needs to be packed as well and ready to go.  

In additional other news we have not heard word one about the apartment I like.  I am feeling anxious about the life changes and having room mates again, and this time with a kid, anxious about living in greenfield, living further from work and some of the job prospects I have, but excited about the idea of having 1/2 bills and only paying $550 in rent, instead of $800, and less gas since the house is near Morgan's school.

In some random other news of the more variety, I am having heart palpatations about the fact that we just found out Afterschool program costs are not part of the deal where Amber's working pays for it and she had been sending McGee to afterschool so she could work a few more hours.  We have mostly used it sparingly, but I need to pay off all of the afterschool costs since September, pretty much asap.  We are looking into seeing if Child care vouchers will help us with back owed child care.  Also I really need to send Amber's and Morgan's guitar teacher a check. 

On that note: Morgan keeps making music samples in the recording studio instead of playing guitar while he is there.  I blame spending too much formitive time listening to Deathboy's "A very technical boy"   When I figure out how perhaps I will upload his musical samples to just have here.  Why the hell not, right? 

Totally unrelated to music and back to OMFG MONEY, I really need to figure out how to pay off my credit card, since gas and care repairs aren't in the budget and they have sort of piled up there again.  Fuck.

Also, Brinner is served so I need to go.
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Does anyone have any  leads for jobs for me this week.

I do mostly lab maintenance, imaging, deployment, inventory, some small degree of networking knowledge, and server support in windows server 03 and 08.  There is also the ever present end user support/helpdesk stuff.  I know some small amount of programming, in java, and python.  I have some degree of aptitude with Dreamweaver and css and javascript. 

We are willing to move wherever.
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It has kept me from losing the gift cards, but also from spending them. 

Any suggestions for ebay, target and walmart
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I'm here, even transfered stuff from LJ and now I am looking for everyone I know here.  Feel free to suggest people I might know.
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Rehoming the two remaining ferrets. If you know any experienced ferret owners who want a pair of albino ferrets let me know. We just want them to go to an experience ferret owner. We have a 5 year old girl and a two year old girl, both healthy.

We have not been able to afford the ferrets for about six months, but since we had one with adrenal cancer we knew we could not rehome her because it is hugely expensive. The other two are totally healthy, but it seemed mean to separate her from her business of ferrets while he was in her end days. She passed in her sleep last night. She is the second one we lost to cancer this year.

Feel free to link. We are in Western MA.
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Another of the ferrets died

Tomorrow is my birthday I turn 29.

As of yesterday it had been 12 years since I moved in to my first apartment.

This summer I am in a wedding, in a tux and I cannot find picture of chicks in tuxes that are curvy.

Google isn't any help.

I still haven't heard about the job.

My last day at my temp job is in 9 days.
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Bacon raisin bran cookies ==win++
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I have back issues of

Parenting -the school age years
Body and Soul
Martha Stewart- Living

Let me know and email me with an address and I'll mail them out.
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I have lost 5% of my body weight, which is a great start. I am looking forward to 10%.

Weightwatchers is working great for me.

Last night I was so fricking drunk.

So fricking drunk

I need to buy pellets for Morgan's weighted blanket -- the sewing machine has conceded to work with me for now.

I got lots of laundry done today

Many house things got done today too.

I don't have to work tomorrow.
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Saw yesterday, with the kiddo. If I had known it would be a cry-fest I would not have taken him with me.

It was a really good film. I cried for almost all of it and have lingering sadness still. It was that amazing, but perhaps it is more touching if you have ever been or had or loved a difficult, different kid.

I was that kid and my kid is that kid and being a family is hard.
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I need to get off my butt about the dreamwidth thing and port my journal over and set up cross posting


Sep. 20th, 2009 05:51 pm
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I am planning a wedding -- weird huh?

We went to a Bridal Show today, which was interesting and we learned some interesting facts. An average wedding in Northampton, MA costs twice what an average wedding in Ithaca, NY, even though the cities themselves a relatively similar.

Receptions cost about 1/2 the over all wedding cost.

We were originally thinking of spending 5-8K, but that looks less than feasible here, for the things we want. We may have the wedding in CNY, but then again my mommy's back yard is looking mighty fine right about now.

I am just having trouble figuring out where to start. Picking a state might be a good idea -- and then set a date, reserve a location, and send out save the date cards. Right now we are thinking of September 2011, because Summer '10 is taken by another wedding I am in and I don't want to try to focus on both. Fall of '10 is possible, but I wanted to give ourselves time to save and plan, since right now we don't have any money that isn't spoken for.

We want a very traditional wedding, with our friends and family. We are thinking of around 150 people to be invited and maybe something like 100 showing up. Our current running ideas are wineries in CNY, which will require taking a wine tour to look at them all, or perhaps my mother's house which is gorgeous, but I would rather be closer to Ithaca, if we would do it in CNY

We require a professional photographer, DJ and caterer, which is where the price gets out of hand. We are happy to do buffet style instead of sit down meal, because it is honestly easier to please people with that kind of food. We want a pretty cake, actual bridesmaids and groomsmen, TBA, dresses, tuxes and the whole nine. That ends up being just a silver of the cost, although we will try to split the cost of the dresses with the bridesmaids, because it can be a bit much to lay out to be in a wedding and wear it once.

Anyway -- the whole thing is overwhelming and I don't know where to start or when to start.
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I am looking to buy a sewing machine. I need one that works, is easy to use (and explain) for making my own clothing. I hate women's fashions and don't fit into anything well. I need recommendations.
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I am not dead, although I have spent the summer working and sleeping, with not much else.

I move to part time at work as of next week, which will make for more time, but much less money. Nothing is ever 100% perfect.

I still have my hat in the ring for a job at UMASS Office of Information Technology.

I spent today vegging with my mommy in the morning then having a long talk about food and lifestyle with my girly -- then we went to You pick at the farm share.

Pickings were slim for tomatoes, but we got boat loads of herbs. Morgan had fun picking, but wigged out about all the bees and bugs at the end.

Tomorrow will be a mellow at home day, as will Monday. Tuesday-Thursday is work again, but having Mondays and Fridays off will be nice.

McGee starts school Wednesday, which will be nice for him. He won't be able to go to afterschool any more, because it is money we don't have. I need to call and cancel our cable and Vonage, which I have been putting off doing. It will save us money and that is what is all about right now.

I keep hoping something will come together and we won't have to cancel.

And I have just finished a Super Mario level for Morgan.
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  • 14:05 @catjones Call them and get the alternator checked #
  • 15:27 @sarianna I want a weekend now too #
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  • 07:51 @catjones Has an interview today to teach in trade for M's tuition. #
  • 07:52 We have come down to barter system. #
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  • 16:18 Emotional Status: Intermitten Outages Monday #
  • 16:32 @mermaidsocks damn no spellcheck on phone #
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  • 15:02 Chucky cheese is the devil. Home soon. #

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Is it just me who thought that last 2/5ths of TW CoE blew furry donkey chunks.

Likely there will be spoilers in these comments.
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