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like a baseball bat to the kidneys.

It isn't just daylight savings time, but the fact that I worked overtime last week, we installed a new kitchen faucet Thursday night, a new bathroom faucet Friday night, ripped out the floor in the bathroom, laid the concrete board, and ditramat. We have been getting up early and going all day and then working till we crash.

I love the house and it gets better each day, but man, I am tired.
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The house inspection was awesome. There are lots of things that need doing, but nothing terrible and nothing urgent.

The house will need gutters, there are some electrical boxes in the garage that need covers, the basement ducts need insulating, the furnace and ducts could use a cleaning, one of the windows is cracked -- barely. The dishwasher doesn't work -- we expected it didn't. There is some vermiculite in the attic space that could have asbestos in it that needs to be cleaned up -- it is mostly bagged up already. We also need to replace 6349472983 outlets with grounded outlets, but the boxes are grounded, so it is trivial.

The wallpaper is so ugly, just wait till you see it. I can't wait to peel it away, sand and paint everything. It is gonna be awesome. The basement is a cool space, which could use some cleaning and maybe some day finishing.

We are planning a big weekend the Jan 14th MLKJr weekend for house painting and cleaning and we are looking for volunteers to help -- come one, come all, crash in our new pad, paint and eat pizza with us.
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With sweet people at work, presents at home, Thai food and ice cream cake

Today Amber and I applied for a marriage license.

And she bought me my engagement /wedding ring.

Friday we do the inspection on the possible house 5 Taft Ave.
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So I am home alone, sitting on my couch. I am contemplating a bagel and now I am spoiled rotten because I don't know what is in the fridge because I never open the fridge because all of my food is prepared and served to me. I hate the kitchen. in the new house the kitchen will have sunshine and a table I can sit at. This house has none of those things.

I am watching emails fly back and forth about the purchase of my house. The lawyers are emailing back and forth about the Purchase and Sale agreement, and changing things. It is the 2 week waiting time instead of the six week waiting time. And our Mortgage guy just went on leave to have knee surgery.

It is cold in the house during the day, because the heat automatically turns down. I could get up and turn it off, but it is in the kitchen and we have talked about the problem with that. And I have a blanket and kitty.

I wish I had a movie to watch, but then again I might go read old logs all day.

Amber is coming home to make sure I don't eat cookies for lunch.
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I get married on 5/29/12.  We have committed to a location in Chicopee, MA. 

Morgan wears size 10 slim pants with the adjustable waist pulled all the way in, because 8's are too short and they don't make 9's.  Fourth grade starts for him Wednesday. 

The kitties, mommy's kitties have gone home and I miss them. 

The weekends are too short for grocery shopping, laundry and vacuuming, as well as budgeting. 

I have $200 saved for a new car.
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I want to have a wedding in a little over two months.  I have not started planning at all.  There is no guest list yet.  And there is no real money for it, but we could pretend about the money part now that we have income.  We don't know if we have parental support, financial or logistic. 

And I am marrying a chick, so I get about 15 steps into Squee wedding mode and then I find that everything written is written for straight white women, marrying straight white men, mostly upper and middle class who think 10-15k for a wedding is low budget.

Oh yeah, I am in one of the most expensive areas of living, and I have never been to a wedding out here and have no idea where to start.

I am grumpy and clearly not finding the right things. 

Interwebz I want a source for local, budget, gay weddings planned in a rush.
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I have /things/ to do. 

Buy presents for libsys staff
Buy clothing for new job
Check in with new job -- not too early and not too late. 
Sign Morgan up for camp and pay for it
Pay off GCS for afterschool and fees
Balance checking, savings and household
Fill pool
Have housemeeting
Get car noise checked
Take Honda to the mechanic / Make sure it goes
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So there is the current apartment saga that has gone on for about six months:

Latest installment is <a href ="http://thenowhere.livejournal.com/773457.html">here</a>. 

In other less insane news I put in my two weeks notice today.  I have worked here for pretty much three years on the pretty nose.  I love the people.  I love the feel of the library.  I love being in a place with books all day.  This was my first real computer job, where I got to do hands on stuff that was cool and awesome and people patted me on the head for it. 

But here I am a second class citizen, a temp worker and not part of the club.  I miss meetings, work parties and other such celebrations.  I am not offered the card to sign when people retire.  I am left out, often by my own supervisor.  I have liked it here.  They let me adventure and they let me play with stuff.  They leave me alone when I am discovering for the most part and they let me be a quirky, bouncy, chatting girl who talks to computers and swears sometimes.  

This job has seen me through almost all of my degree.  I started here the summer after my second year at Smith.  I started here and took 3 weeks off for gall bladder surgery.  They humor me and they don't mind that I make myself laugh.  Here I have a coworker who is so much like me it is scary.  

But three weeks ago I was offered a job -- a real job -- as real staff -- with real pay.   My first job that really pays me.  It is for Umass.  It has benefits.  It has paychecks.  It has computers.  They really like me and they offered me the top of the listed pay scale.  It is a real job.  Really.

However, for three weeks we have been waiting on a new type of background check, which has finally gone through.  I have been loathe to speak of it before now, because I didn't want to jinks it.  In fact I am a little fearful now since we have 2 more weeks more before Mercury comes out of retrograde.  But I have given the notice and am aiming to start there in three weeks -- giving me a week between jobs to get my head on straight with all that is going on in the House of Chaos(tm)

I have a job.  Just shy of one year from graduation I have a job!

The job is computer technician stuff, same as here at Smith.  Honestly, I love it.  Systems Administration is where I am headed.   
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This weekend we only had overnight company of the kid variety two nights and the overnight company of the adult type one night and out of town company of two different varieties.  That and we managed all the chores, except making cat food and we tore apart the beds in the front of the house and cut back the ten food rhododendrons to be two foot bushes that are not all death and rot.   We also pulled the mayhem from by the fence and found either wild roses or berry bushes, but they cane all over the place and they have bitchy thorns.  We cut some branches from the dogwood tree that someone badly butchered before us and sealed them in hopes of saving the tree.  Sadly we have resorted to chemicals to stop the life of the maple tree that started as a weed, but is slowly starting to take over and is going to kill everything else if we don't get it to die. 

A wheelbarrow and chickenwire for yard waste compost is now my favorite thing.  Although spending $70 at the hardware store was not so fun, but now I own my own smallish bolt cutters and have gained food for plants, death for plants, and death for -- well sealant for cut trees. 

I wish we had taken a before picture.  Apparently the house has a crazy amount of grape vines.  I like to destruct and restruct, but I have trouble spending money on landscaping when we rent, so instead we get things that grow and feed us, which pleases and excites me.  I can't wait to own a house so I can put fruit trees in. 

My mommy, amber and I gardened all day today.  Morgan also got himself grounded today for the first time ever.  One week, no friends over -- no playing next door, no play dates, no after school.  We are having the battle of wills, but I am sure I will win.  I am glad enough to do it now when he is still small enough to be scruffed and put to bed.   

So that is the most leisure time I have had in six weeks.  One day I might sleep in, or have extra time -- or spend time with my girly.
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I don't blog much anymore and this annoys me, but for the past few years I have been so craptaularly busy that I have just fallen out of the habit. 

Here is the long of it, since I don't ever update: 

My wrist is healed, as in they took the splint away two weeks ago and it still fucking hurts and I cannot support my weight on it to lean on a table, get up from the floor, or roll across the bed.  This sucks and I am starting to wonder when I should go back and get it checked again, since they told me to make an appointment if it didn't strengthen back up.  It doesn't pain me unless I tweak it wrong or try to lean on it.  It often hurts in the morning from sleeping or moving across the bed. 

We are moved and 3/4 unpacked.  We have found a washer and dryer and hosted Morgan's birthday party here.  I have to take pictures of the house -- there are spots where it is a little run down and chav-tastic -- the deck, yard and basement need a little love, but this is the most wonderful house.  I love this house.  There is nothing amazing about it, besides the creek and the yard, but it is perfect and I love everything about it, except for as noted above.  Were it mine I would be delighted, and I would have a plan for all these little things that need to be fixed.  For now we will just work with the landlord -- and hope they are more on top of things than the state of the house would imply.  I know they love the house like I do though -- they raised their kids here. 

Next weekend we start the garden.  Have I mentioned I have the best yard ever. 

I have to take pictures. 

I am working a few more hours a week now, all the way to 30, which leaves me exhausted because of the sheer effort involved in taking a bunch of unmotivated slackers* and getting them to help me unpack a house -- and me with a gimpy paw still.

The kitchen, livingroom, dining room and somewhat the kid's room are done.  Adult bedrooms are in flux still.  The basement, rec and office space are still being worked on. 

I am so tired.  I am going to bed.  I might be a better blogger later. 
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Oy what a hell of a week. 

We were packed -- like crazy packed before this move.  We even took apart Morgan's bed in advance.  The rain mostly held off, and the truck was perfect, on time and ran well.

We lost some of our help to sickness and some to bad timing, but all who came to help us busted ass.  But the truck was too small -- or more to the point -- we, collectively have too much stuff.  Kitchens were culled and I got rid of about 30% of everything we owned, byt donations, craigslist and throwing it away, but we still had too much stuff. 

So we had the day of moving, where we started at 7am and had just barely finished by 7pm, with a fair bit of stuff left at the old house, some of it bigish.  It was a long day, then followed by a trip back to drop the truck off and another load up at the old house.  We loaded up and then headed back to Greenfield and went out to dinner at about 9:45pm.  A busted wrist made this a much longer day than it needed to be.

Day next was lost to looking for stuff and unpacking, with go go go until 9:30 when we went grocery shopping.  Yay school vacation, because I can do crazy crap like that.  The kitchen got set up and unpacked. 

Monday was hell.  Kitty had been sick with urinary blockage and came home on Friday night before the move, and he had been peeing less and less, so he went back to the vet -- we got all sorts of at home to do medical stuff, like subQ fluids and steroid shots.  Then we got to go to the old apartment and clean.  We got home at 11pm with the last load since so much got left behind.

Tuesday I called into work, did some serious unpacking and went to bed on time for once.  I also got my wrist looked at and they took away my brace so I can regain strength in the wrist in the hand -- which just means it hurts like hell for a good cause. 

Today I am writing this instead of being at work because Amber got delayed at work and I am gonna be late.
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Packing, packing packing.  Living here for five years has made for too much stuff.  The basement had to be packed twice.  Once was with help from a friend who packed everything.  We unpacked everything and got rid of half of it.  Morgan's room is packed now, which took me most of the day.  My room and the living room are mostly packed -- but the kitchen(s) need combining.  We have sold some stuff of craigslist. 

We are accomplished, but it took me taking 3 days off this week and really overdoing it on my poor wrist.  I think the brace is messing me up more than it is helping, but I am under strict instructions to wear it unless in the shower.  Ugh.  I don't want to be gimpy. 

Tomorrow we get keys and finish packing.  Saturday we pack the truck (it is supposed to rain), and move everything to the new house.  I am in heaven thinking about the yard, porch and deck.  I don't want to think about four adults and a kid and one bathroom.  It will be an adjustment for everyone. 

We are excited, and nervous. 

This is actually the only place Morgan remembers us living.  He is being very good given that we are pulling him from his home. 
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We signed a lease on Saturday -- but it won't be finalized until next Saturday when Doug signs and we get keys -- yes that is the day we are moving too.  There are no pictures this time because I don't want to jinx it.  It is a little house behind the elementary school, with a little creek, a deck and a big yard.  The outside space is more impressive than the inside space, which will be a squeeze for us four adults and one kiddo.  Compromise and rules abound, along with me getting rid of a metric ton of stuff.   Ugh.  The bedrooms are all beyond small.  The biggest is like 11X12 and the smallest is 10X8.  One adult couple will end up in the small room because Morgan needs a bigger room if he is going to keep all his crap in it. 

There is a nice kitchen (no dishwasher), normal sized living room and reasonable dining room. 

The basement is walk out under the desk, ground level and is partially finished (sort of) and that is where one TV game room area will be, and all the desks and office stuff will go. 

We need to buy our own washer dryer and dehumidifier.   It is a house, a cute (little) house, instead of a huge large apartment.  It has its ups and downs from the other place.  

My wrist still hurts like bitches ( I may have broken it a week ago falling off my bike) and I have an orthopedic appointment tomorrow that I must leave work early for. 

Amber is at work and gimpy or not I need to pack.
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It has been raining here, yucky and wet.  Yesterday we went to the beautiful wonderful new apartment and found it was raining in the front hall, and in two of the bedrooms.  Pieces of the ceiling were hanging down.  Apparently the roof problems have progressed.  We talked to the people and put a stop on our check.  Tonight we will return the keys, pay their bounce fees for stopping the check and move on to the next place to rent. 

We have been looking for almost 8 weeks -- we have two weeks left until moving day on the 10th.  We didn't loose our money and none of our stuff got ruined, but -- I just don't know what to say anymore.
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The Morgan school thing has come together.  I need to pay $750 by May 15th and then about $300 a month from there on out, and they will let us work off about $3k for the year.  They are very good to us, but this will be a serious stretch, and we will work it out -- slow but sure. 

The apartment -- we have signed the lease, but the place is filthy -- we went up and cleaned for a few hours today and we have some more days of this.  There is roof leaking in the hallway, but we knew there were roof problems and they have a grant to fix it and are just waiting on bids.  That is what they tell me.  The pellet stove that is there is actually crap -- it doesn't really stay lit.  They are going to replace that too before next winter.  I am just feeling anxious.   There is so much that could go wrong. 

It is big and beautiful -- but run down and not -- a family home.  It is after lease jitters.  When money is tight you can get trapped somewhere.  We have sold some stuff for less than it was worth -- but we don't have to move it and the money is nice. 

The move date is scheduled for April 10th.  <a href="http://tearsinger.livejournal.com/432744.html">It is a year later.</a> Mike's (my step dad) memorial conference was this weekend.  It was wonderful to see so many people come together to celebrate his life.  He was a wonderful and well loved man.  It is such a damn shame and there is something about life that has never been normal since. 

It has been a dark year.  I have had a lot of struggles this year with identity and worth, money and college and what I could have, would have, should have. 

I have had to face a lot about me I don't want this year.

Anyway -- life is slowly getting better.  I've got 5 more hours a week at work. 
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So i woke up this morning to Amber telling me the smoke detector was going off downstairs and did I think the house looked hazy.  I jumped out of bed, because we have a drunk living in the basement who set the house on fire about a year ago -- no damage, lots of smoke, and Fire Dept visit to clean out the smoke.  Thank God we were home that time -- we were just about to leave when the smoke started. 

Today, Lo and Behold, was similar.  Amber woke up to the alarm clock and the fire alarm in the basement could he hear (faintly) I grabbed Morgan out of a smokey house and dragged him outside in the cold rain at 6:15 this morning with a blanket, rain boots and PJs, while Amber got out and called the neighbors to get out of their house.  We left the pets this time, like we are supposed to.  :( We called 911 and they didn't miss the house this time.  But when they got here they could not get into the downstairs apartment where the fire was.  Metal doors, even hollow ones are very resistant to a fireman's axe.  Finally they got in and it was a stove fire because he was passed out and cooking again.  Then the fire dept had to clear the smoke and they sent Amber back into the smoke for the pets so they didn't die before the smoke cleared.  Next time ( I hope there never is one ) We will take the pets if we can because we had a hard time finding the cat after the alarms were going off and the fire dept were here.  He had clawed his way into my boxspring and was hiding there.  We finally got back into the house about an hour later and made a mad dash to get ready for the day.  Since then I have had like 3 medium coffees and the let down from the adrenaline, so I am all dizzy and shaky -- I seldom drink caffeine anymore.

All pets and people seem to be fine, but the house smells of smoke and I am sure Morgan is traumatized and will never sleep again.  Just another day in "Fuck, This Cannot Be My Life" tm
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So the place we are moving is not at all what I pictured for us -- but hey. It is in a little town called Millers Falls, about 15 minutes away from Morgan's school.

It is above a pub. Food, drink and booze kind of place. The whole building used to be a dance hall/theater in the 1920's. Now the downstairs is a pub and next to that a Dog grooming salon. So we have a grand staircase from street level, then a ticket booth, a huge kitchen and then monsterous rooms, a pool table and an antique piano. There must be about 3000 sq ft, for me [info]thenowhere, [info]sarianna and [info]echoesinthevoid and the boo.

It is going to be strange, but interesting. I will miss this old place here, but the space we will have. We are giving up on the idea of having a yard, but in trade we have a huge place, an elementary school nearby with a playground and a library right behind us. It is like city living, just in a one horse town.

We are moving on the 10th of April. Come help us, all are welcome.

I will post pictures of the apartment when they are done doing work on it.

Ask Tammy about Parking
Put in change of address forms
Send certified letter to current landlord telling him we are leaving.
Pay 1st, last, security on new place (OHGOD)
Find Boxes!
Reserve Truck
Pack Boxes
Pack Everything.
Hunt Washer and Dryer (pref when we have Truck)
Price and pay for washer and dryer
Call my mommy
Call mommy
Movers? (I think they might be too expensive even for the cheap 2 hour ones)
Get rid of outside stuff -- like Morgan's pool, ATV, Elliptical, Bikes? What do we want to do with the Bikes?
Miss outside space
Label books and games when we pack them.
Return mommy's books
Find a new ped?
Find a new pharmacy
Take picture
Clean here
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So things here are a crazy whir and click of change. 

Amber is working her overnights, now Tue, Thur and Sun (every other week) for a grand total of 26 or 39 hours.  We are hoping to up that some more, to perhaps constantly 39 or more hours.  She is getting ready to apply to a funded post bac program at Smith in Math.  All of this I am sure I have mentioned in some fashion.  

I am interviewing and looking for jobs outside of my ideal locations and ideal skill set. 

We are looking for new housing because here smells of smoke and old drunk in the basement.  We are having a lot of trouble finding housing.  It is a state of extreme need to do /something/ instead of wait. 

It is also the time of year to reapply for financing for Morgan's school and I have failed to turn in the FA paperwork on time (which I am usually quite good at) and I have a constant state of foreboding about it. 

My credit card is paid off, with my tax return, leaving us with less than I need to pay this months bills and move, but soon Amber will start getting paychecks.  Which may help us slide by, but likely won't pay for Morgan's school next year.  The stress of it all is really getting to me. 

Tonight will be the first night of Morgan and me on our own and I am not sure what we will do about Harry Potter time (which is Amber's thing), but we will figure something out. 

I don't feel like things are changing for the better yet, and after the last year of doom it is hard to be hopeful. 

Mostly I am just typing so the tight knot in my belly goes away after doing apartment hunting, bill paying, FA paperwork.  I have felt anxious and on edge, near to tears since last night, but that doesn't stop these things from needing to be done. 
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