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tearsingerSo Amber has been working at Morgan's school to pay off his tuition. They run an afterschool program which he attends, which we thought was part of this deal, so only in cases where job hunting made it necessary, or Amber was at the school working, making far more an hour than afterschool cost Morgan would stay at afterschool to the tune of $11 on normal days or $25 on half days (Weds). Well this has built up on our bill and we have recently found out that this cannot be paid for by Amber working it off. So we now owe them 367 + some amount from the last two weeks. Maybe $22? We owe it. We don't have it to spare. We don't have it at all.
The school is being generous already, by letting us work off his tuition, so I don't want to bitch that they told us not to worry about it and then took two months to get us an answer. Ugh. We haven't abused it, but have used it like once a week on average. Which is upwards of 44 a month, plus the 150 from the week before school started.
Gah.
That and -- gas costs and other assorted things like car repairs and books are killing us. They aren't really in the budget on what I make, but the kid goes to school 26 miles from the house. He has to go to school. We have to take him to school. Car pooling has been a failure. Amber usually stays up there were his school is most days to cut the gas in half. Gas goes on the credit card, because it is not in the budget. Everything else not in the budget is not purchased or put on the card -- like OMG the car is broken. Or OMG amber needs a book for classes.
I'm going to need 2k to move, and another 2k to pay the card off, then 400 for afterschool and $300/400 for Amber's guitar teacher who said "Don't pay me unless you can afford to," except I am sure he was expecting it to get better before now.
I have $900 in my savings account -- rent for March is $800 and I don't have enough left in checking to cover this months bills, none of which have been paid yet.
Better yet, I can't file for my state taxes because I don't have the health insurance form required -- but I had state MassHealth health insurance last year, until they cut me off this month because bringing in $1600 for a family of two is too much money for me to get MassHealth (Medicare). So yesterday I had to shell out $88 for blood sugar meds because my new insurance for poor people only can start on the first of the month and my old one expired on the 29th and so I didn't get the paperwork and notification until it was too late to register for the month.
This is the last month savings would cover and I though it was just in time, since Amber was gonna start working part time next week, but the guy doesn't need anyone for those hours now and who knows when else she will be able to get hours and how long we are going to have to wait and I am out of money and it is terrifying.
I am excited to go to the FFF this weekend in providence, which will pay us a little money for busting ass all weekend for like 10 hour days.
It brings back so many bad flash backs to Ithaca, collectors, evictions, feeling hopeless, helpless and worthless. It spent a lot of years like that and I don't want to go back. It is like my biggest fear.
Amber was supposed to be working next week, at like 30 some odd hours and now that she is not I feel tricked. It was just on the verge of getting better and we were hoping and counting on that and now everything feels broken.
I did what I was supposed to. I did college. I busted ass. I took a hard major. I did what I was supposed to damn it. I graduated and I saved and I ended with 10k and it is gone. It feels like everything I worked for is gone. Why isn't anything working. What the fuck is wrong with my life. Why doesn't anything ever come easy for me.
Sorry for the self pity. I know it is stupid and I have to have a good outlook, but how long can you live your life "With the Goal in mind"?
What the fuck is the goal now?
Not to fall of the edge of the edge of the world?
The school is being generous already, by letting us work off his tuition, so I don't want to bitch that they told us not to worry about it and then took two months to get us an answer. Ugh. We haven't abused it, but have used it like once a week on average. Which is upwards of 44 a month, plus the 150 from the week before school started.
Gah.
That and -- gas costs and other assorted things like car repairs and books are killing us. They aren't really in the budget on what I make, but the kid goes to school 26 miles from the house. He has to go to school. We have to take him to school. Car pooling has been a failure. Amber usually stays up there were his school is most days to cut the gas in half. Gas goes on the credit card, because it is not in the budget. Everything else not in the budget is not purchased or put on the card -- like OMG the car is broken. Or OMG amber needs a book for classes.
I'm going to need 2k to move, and another 2k to pay the card off, then 400 for afterschool and $300/400 for Amber's guitar teacher who said "Don't pay me unless you can afford to," except I am sure he was expecting it to get better before now.
I have $900 in my savings account -- rent for March is $800 and I don't have enough left in checking to cover this months bills, none of which have been paid yet.
Better yet, I can't file for my state taxes because I don't have the health insurance form required -- but I had state MassHealth health insurance last year, until they cut me off this month because bringing in $1600 for a family of two is too much money for me to get MassHealth (Medicare). So yesterday I had to shell out $88 for blood sugar meds because my new insurance for poor people only can start on the first of the month and my old one expired on the 29th and so I didn't get the paperwork and notification until it was too late to register for the month.
This is the last month savings would cover and I though it was just in time, since Amber was gonna start working part time next week, but the guy doesn't need anyone for those hours now and who knows when else she will be able to get hours and how long we are going to have to wait and I am out of money and it is terrifying.
I am excited to go to the FFF this weekend in providence, which will pay us a little money for busting ass all weekend for like 10 hour days.
It brings back so many bad flash backs to Ithaca, collectors, evictions, feeling hopeless, helpless and worthless. It spent a lot of years like that and I don't want to go back. It is like my biggest fear.
Amber was supposed to be working next week, at like 30 some odd hours and now that she is not I feel tricked. It was just on the verge of getting better and we were hoping and counting on that and now everything feels broken.
I did what I was supposed to. I did college. I busted ass. I took a hard major. I did what I was supposed to damn it. I graduated and I saved and I ended with 10k and it is gone. It feels like everything I worked for is gone. Why isn't anything working. What the fuck is wrong with my life. Why doesn't anything ever come easy for me.
Sorry for the self pity. I know it is stupid and I have to have a good outlook, but how long can you live your life "With the Goal in mind"?
What the fuck is the goal now?
Not to fall of the edge of the edge of the world?
no subject
Date: 2010-02-12 10:03 am (UTC)